SATURDAY, Aug. 4, 2001 (HealthDayNews) -- Try to be your child's best friend and you may wind up with a parent's worst nightmare.
A recent national survey says parents who don't set limits for their children, don't spend time with them and don't monitor their activities are more likely to have kids who smoke, drink and do drugs.
Only about one out of every four U.S. teens (about 6.5 million) lives with parents who establish rules and set expectations, according to the National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse. That's significant because kids with "hands-on" parents are 75 percent less likely to use tobacco, alcohol or illegal drugs, the survey says.
The survey was conducted by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA), at Columbia University in New York City.
The "loud-and-clear message" is that "the risk of smoking, drinking or using illegal drugs in 'hands-on' households is dramatically lower than that of the average teen," says Joseph A. Califano, Jr., former U.S. Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare and CASA president. And it doesn't matter whether it's a one-parent household, or two.
Gregory Bodenhammer, a former teacher and juvenile probation officer from Bend, Ore., says he could have predicted the study's conclusions.
"The more parents are involved physically and emotionally, the less likely kids are going to get into trouble," he says.
Kids do best with consistent discipline, high levels of supervision and a bonded, caring relationship with their parents, adds Bodenhammer, who helped establish programs in Southern California for out-of-control kids and for parents whose children were gang members.
"In the workshops I conduct, we show parents and kids that trust is something you earn, and the supervision levels depend on how trustworthy you are," he says.
Keep kids busy, but not too busy
Bodenhammer also advises parents to keep their children busy, but not to the point of over-programming them.
"Find something they like and are good at, and be involved in those activities. This means they'll be less likely to be involved with drugs and alcohol," he says.
Just how many of the nation's youth are involved with cigarettes, alcohol and drugs?
According to the 2000 Monitoring the Future Study, conducted by the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research:
- 15 percent of eighth graders and 31 percent of 12th graders had smoked tobacco during the month before the survey. 14 percent of 10th graders and 21 percent of 12th graders had smoked daily during the month before the survey.
- 30 percent of 12th graders, 26 percent of 10th graders, and 14 percent of eighth graders reported binge drinking (at least 5 drinks in a row) in the two weeks prior to the survey. And 32 percent of 12th graders, 24 percent of 10th graders, and 8 percent of eighth-graders reported having "been drunk" in the month prior to the survey.
- 32 percent of 10th graders and 16 percent of eighth graders reported using marijuana in the year leading up to the survey.
In addition to setting rules for behavior, good parenting also includes being open, responsive and a good listener, says Alyse Booth, project manager for the CASA survey.
But, she adds, "This isn't contradictory to monitoring their school work, having dinner with them and monitoring what they're watching on TV. And doing all this consistently is important."
Communicating with kids is a favorite topic of Richard Heyman, father of three grown children and professor of communications and education at the University of Calgary in Alberta, Canada.
"Disciplining doesn't mean dictating," says the author of the book How to Say It to Teens.
"Kids say they want their parents to set rules, but when they set the rules, the kids hate them for it. The parents who do set rules successfully are the ones who talk to their kids not just when they want to set the rules.
And, Heyman adds, "It means showing kids that the consequences of telling the truth are much better than not telling truth."
All of this takes time -- a commodity in short supply for many parents and kids these days. But Heyman believes in the quality-versus-quantity theory.
"Historically, parents have never had a lot of time," he says. "But you can make the best of what you have by organizing activities to share with your kids.
"Walk, read a book, go to the movies together," he suggests, "because good communication is established during the good times."
What To Do
Here are other suggestions for being a "hands-on" parent, according to CASA:
- Be aware of academic performance.
- Have an adult present when your teen returns home from school.
- Insist on knowing where your teen is after school, at night and on weekends.
- Impose curfews.
- Assign regular chores.
- Have dinner with your teen at least six times a week.
- Let your teen know you'll be extremely upset if he or she drinks or takes drugs.
To learn more about the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse and its survey, visit the center's Web site. To learn more about parenting teens, visit the Parent Teen Connection.
